NEEDS OF A WOMAN PT 1: Affection

Gentlemen, you have probably figured out by now that your wife is wired differently than you. You have probably also figured out that when it comes to sex and intimacy, the differences between the genders become glaring. Men typically enjoy connecting through sex, however for the vast majority of women, sex alone is not enough— a gaping void remains. She craves an emotional connection, not just a physical one.

Husbands, love your wives [be affectionate and sympathetic with them] and do not be harsh or bitter or resentful toward them. (Colossians 3:19 AMP)

Non-sexual affection (coupled with consistent communication) makes her feel loved, cherished, and deeply connected to you. It helps her feel emotionally in-tune with you and emotionally safe with you. What is non-sexual affection? Well, it would go something like this: kiss her, hold her, gently caress her, THEN STOP!  Show her tenderness with no expectation of sex in return. This is called non-sexual affection.

Some men use kissing, hand-holding, and touching only as a means to initiate sex. Husbands, you do not want your wife to feel like the only time she is worthy of your attention is when you want sex. She may feel like she is a mere sex object to you— that in your eyes, the only thing she is good for is sex. She may feel unappreciated for who she really is and all she contributes to your home. Who wants to feel used in this way? Give her regular non-sexual affection to assure her that you love her as a woman, not just because you want access to her body. If the only time you touch your wife is when you want sex, your sex life will likely suffer.

Husbands understand that just as sex is a high priority for you, non-sexual affection is equally as important to her. Do not under-estimate her need for non-sexual affection. If a woman does not feel emotionally connected, she may not want to connect physically—and for most men, not connecting physically is a problem. If you want your wife to become more sexual towards you, give her more non-sexual affection.  When you give her more affection, you may pleasantly find that she will initiate more in the bedroom. Be proactive in meeting this emotional need in her and she usually becomes more responsive in meeting your needs, sexual and otherwise.

Husbands understand that just as sex is a high priority for you, non-sexual affection is equally as important to her. 

For many men, being affectionate will not come naturally. Some did not grow up in affectionate homes, so the concept is foreign. Others say “I’m just not affectionate”, it’s not my personality. However, my instincts tell me that if your wife said “I’m just not sexual”, that would not be an acceptable response. The truth is all men can be affectionate. If non-thinking males from the animal kingdom have the capability of affection, then certainly you do too.

A Chimp can be affectionate:

The “King of the Jungle” is affectionate

And at the top of the food chain, the Human Male (and Leader of the Free World) can be affectionate:

Put forth the effort to give her affection. Mindfully and intentionally begin to give her soft kisses, warm embraces and tender touches without expecting sex. Over time, giving affection will become more natural to you, and you may begin to enjoy it yourself. As Sam Cooke said, “Try a little tenderness. It goes a long way.”


“TENDERNESS” by Sam Cooke




be nice to her
whenever you can
and when you cross the street
always hold her hand
you’ll find out tenderness goes a long way


smile at her when she does something wrong
be there to pick her up and make her strong
you’ll find out tenderness goes a long long way


if you’ll be kind sometimes she’ll be blind
to the wrong things you might do
if you treat her good the way that you should
she’ll see the goodness in you
so be sweet to her and gentle too
and you’ll find out what tenderness can do
you’ll find out tenderness goes a long a way

be (sweet to her)
and (gentle too)
you’ll find out what that tenderness can do

you’ll find out tenderness goes a long way



  1. Great post!

  2. wonderful post!

  3. Wow…a great lesson here 🙂

  4. Where do I find pt 2 of needs of a women?

  5. Awesome read. Before I read this I was looking for help cuz of lack of sex and affection. I’m ashamed and only thinking of myself. I hope it’s not too late to fix things

  6. C.White says:

    I have a great blue print to build from💏

  7. I wish they did not only address this toward married couples. Plenty of adults are dating and dealing with these things too. Otherwise it is a good article, but only if men would actually read it and apply it!

  8. great lesson

  9. The best! Please write more 🙏

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